Oster's poems

Raffi Aftandelian from Maaskva Nashimi Glazami writes about crazy Gregory Oster's verses for kids.

I learned of the children's writer Grigorii Oster just recently. How could I have missed him? His Harmful Advice: a book for naughty children and their parents is just a delight. Unfortunately, it's only in Russian and from what I can see has never been translated into English. I could look at the illustrations for hours!

Oster has such an important take on our reality. Maybe he should take things further and write a book, "Healthy National Ideas" and convey the joy wrought by people living under democracy and other "humanistic" ideas?

I would like to add my five kopeks with translation of a couple of Oster's poems. Unfortunately Raffi makes strict word-by-word translations. I tried to preserve Oster's wacky style and rhyme. Unfortunatelly my English is too shaky. Any editing help will be highly appreciated.

*******

When your daddy's boss will visit
For some lunch or for some coffee
At your house you are given
What a very lucky chance

You can boost your dad's career
If you play one easy joke
On the boss when he is taking
A cup of coffee in his hand

You should sneak up to the table
Just be quiet and very stealthy
And then yell into his ear
"Gotcha! Freeze!" and "Ha-ha-ha!"

And the boss will spill his coffee
On his shirt and on his jacket
And your mommy and your daddy
Will be laughing like they're mad

Then your mom will sure kiss you
And will take you to your bedroom
Where she for many hours
Will be kindly praising you

******

Nothing gives you so much pleasure
At your nose nose-picking
Every person wants to know
What is there that you hide

And if someone is disgusted
We don't force him into looking
We don't pick then at his nose
So why he's bothering us?

PS. This post is not exactly off-topic as I made the translations at a Russian marketing conference.